March 2006: The Role of Caregiver - the Miracle of Hope

· Change - the Only Constant
· The Role of Caregiver
· The Experience of Hope
· The Miracle of Hope

Change - the Only Constant

We have always taught that the moment of our experience is the only moment of importance. Moments change and being flexible allows for the best of changes to occur. Our schedule for the next months has changed - again. We are getting first hand experience in remaining flexible. Keep posted to our calendar of events to see what changes may still come.

The Role of Caregiver

What is the job of a caregiver? It is a different reality to the person receiving the care and the care-giver. For sure, the individual who is receiving care does not know how much time or life energy they are taking. I am only now finding out how much energy it took from Nancy after my stroke last August. The bigger story is in the September newsletter. I knew that I was not completely whole afterwards. I began working each day on some part of myself. For work on my manual dexterity, I pulled tiny weeds in the front yard with my fingers, to work on my legs I rode my stationary bike. I was dizzy from the blood pressure medicine and had to be careful not to fall as my balance was not quite yet perfect.

When an individual has been hurt or is sick and requires care from others, the realization that they are no longer the same person can trigger feelings of depression and emotional judgment. These feelings cause further pressure and pain for both the dependent and the caregiver. Another factor to consider: when one is under pressure, in pain or on medication - how much remains to connect to Higher Self? For me, my world became very small. Being still or sitting and watching television allowed me to feel a sense of order and perfection. I had to understand only that moment. Now in retrospect, I clearly see that people who are dependent have a different world - a different view of reality. There are many variables and considerations to being a receiver of care. I have always taught that receiving for most people is very difficult, for in receiving we must give up control. When we are the giver, we can control how much and when we give. To be on the receiving end of care is also quite difficult and often confusing.

Surely I was different: unsure of myself, physically weak, foggy memory, angry and frustrated for not understanding. People stared, looked at me differently and I felt a great deal of pressure. All I saw was my own world and I could not understand any other. I was only doing my best to find myself, working at doing everything I could, not really knowing how I used to do something, only knowing that I was doing it differently and feeling like it was not as good as it was before - whatever that was.

The role of caregiver can often push people beyond their own boundaries. Before one becomes a caregiver, they usually have more than a full life to deal with and manage. Caregiving can occupy many different energetic levels, based on the needs of the dependent person and the desires of the caregiver. For some, this might mean limited hours, for others it can become a task that occupies all their waking moments. One example from perhaps millions of situations was a couple I met shortly after my own stroke. The client had been a bed-ridden stroke victim for more than 5 years. He had become his own limitations and no longer could relate to the person he was before his stroke. As a result, his wife of more than 25 years felt anger and resentment at him 'giving up'. What began as her husband's stroke with hope of recovery had faded and disappeared after weeks, months and years. In her mind, this meant that the man she had loved was dead for she was caregiver to a stranger, living with only the memories of what had been their life together.

When I came home, I related that story to Nancy. What I did not know before and had not understood was just how much energy my own stroke recovery had taken from my wife, how much she had worried and how different I was from the man she had married.

An Experience in Hope

Nancy: After Ken's stroke, our good friend Tom Kenyon cautioned me, based on his own caregiver experiences, to remember to take care of myself first. That seemed to be secondary to the task of taking care of Ken. He was living in a confusing, bewidering world where nothing was making sense and everything was upside down. Physically he felt limited and I could hear his mind cry out in frustration. Often, the frustration would exhibit itself with emotional outbursts, which would only compound his self-criticism and self-judgment. I found myself once again in the full role of caregiver. That awareness brought out old emotions in dealing with hospitals, doctors, hope and recovery. More than thirty years before, I had held such hope for a miracle - the full recovery of two sons who each subsequently died from birth defects. I was the caregiver to my sons and to the rest of the family during those years.

Caregivers find themselves in situations suddenly, often without warning. Like the experiences of the wife of Ken's client, the hours of care can turn into weeks, months and often years. It is not always easy to put yourself first; however it is like the airplane oxygen theory: Put the mask on your own face first, then on someone else. Remembering to take care of yourself is most important. Rest whenever possible and eat well. When circumstances allow, get assistance. The most important gift I could receive during this time was being very present and clear to allow unconditional love/acceptance of self. The dependent is not always fully aware that their words and actions may feel personal to the caregiver. Loving ourselves enough allows us to have unconditional compassion for the situations and experiences of others.

As Ken's caregiver, I once again assumed the full responsibility of providing hope for a miracle. I wanted Ken to completely recover - not just for me but for himself. I found myself wondering if I was again being trapped by my own hope. While Ken's initial doctor had said it was something minor that would be completely healed within 30 days, the results were still obvious and apparent 90 days later. So were the emotions. Finally, light again appeared in the form of a doctor who confirmed that the initial diagnosis was not accurate and we merely needed to be patient. For two Virgos - patience is not always our best virtue. But there was once again, a sense in the miracle of hope. Shortly after, Ken had to travel by himself for the first time since his stroke - and he had to travel to different locations in Europe. Each time we spoke I found myself wishing circumstances were different and he did not have to be alone. Each day I worried about his well-being. When a caregiver gets caught up in the dynamics and energetics of the situation and the individuals involved, this can allow for a transference which can in turn create dis-harmony in the physical body.

Ken tells the wonderful story of his reading Harry Potter in the January newsletter. When he returned home, I stayed the witness to his experience and watched him for signs of his full mental and intellectual recovery. With that awareness, I realized that I had energetically attempted to hold a space for Ken - for him to remember the man he had been, our relationship and more. After about a week, realizing that Ken had returned home intact, I found that I could stop holding my breath, and I released the space I had been holding for Ken and for us. Everything collapsed into that space and onto my physical body. Now, I am not one who 'gets sick' and had not been sick for quite a number of years. The emotional and physical events of the past months collided and my body got sick. It was days before I felt well again. Holding a space for another is something I think caregivers do without giving it conscious thought. For years we have taught that 'holding' a space uses energy that can ultimately affect the physical body. It is best to 'be' and 'become the space'. My first-hand experiences always provide ample teaching material.

The blessing of the initial 30-day diagnosis is apparent only now. Ken had worked so hard to 'come back' and meet that expectation deadline, he actually accomplished so much more in a shorter time period. Doing the work of Heart & Soul Healing and reading his own books gave Ken the direction and confidence to remember himself and our work together. We ventured towards our new world, welcoming hope and more miracles.

In February, we taught a 9-day intensive course in Belgium. The course went smoothly and the practitioners were able to work with many different people. Towards the end of the course, the students who were working on becoming practitioners were divided into groups. Ken and I were in separate large rooms with many students and volunteers, all doing sessions. The session script had been transcribed into Dutch, various practitioners and volunteer-clients were speaking Dutch and neither one of us spoke Dutch. Yet, everything was understood perfectly ! So, had both gone on a journey to understand the unknown - to understand other realities that we might not have allowed had we known the full picture in the beginning?

In thanks to our wonderful sponsor Donna Kleipool, we were able to participate in the most beautiful of miracles.

The Miracle of Hope
A First-Hand Experience

Here is the story of an experience in the miracle of hope from one of the many wonder individuals who attended the course in Belgium. She is also our wonderful angel who had translated 'The Heart of Soul Healing' from English to the Dutch language. Her name is Yvonne Maree, one of the new practitioners of Heart & Soul Healing. We hope she will eventually seek to become a teacher of this work. Perhaps that path has already begun.

When we asked for permission to use her letter to us as an article, this is what Yvonne said:

'Yes, isn't it wonderful how one step leads to another. That is what I encounter in my life at this time. Almost like a fairy tale. All I have to do is take the next step and keep wondering where it will lead me. And as far as I can see now, it is leading me towards experiences I could never have imagined. But that is another story, yet to be told. It is okay to use my releasing souls for the website. And it is also all right to use my name. At first I felt a bit shy about that and maybe even a bit fearful, but I know it is time for me to step out of my own shadow and speak my truth. It will probably help me to also stand up for what I believe in. Yet again another step..."

Yvonne has graciously allowed her experience to be shared so it may assist and help others:

"In the training I learned that one of my jobs is to release lost and stuck souls in the concentration camps in Europe during WW II. Do you remember Nancy, that I talked to you about it and I did the first release together with you? About ten years ago I found out, during a regression session, that I had died there in a previous life as a baby of three days old. At that time during the session I was not able to release this part.

So after talking to you, I went back there later that night to release even more. As I approached the area, I encountered a very large cloud of souls who were clinging together. It felt like sticky bubbles of chewing gum. The whole cloud was mixed up and nobody knew anymore who was who or who was feeling what. The confusion was immense. In a way they were all one, without the awareness of self. And there was such a mix up of all kinds of feelings, experiences and emotions that I felt it was impossible to release the whole bunch all together. So I started to ask the guides and angels to come and hold all the different energies around the souls concerning everything they had experienced. I felt that it was necessary to explicitly name all the energies and dynamics.

I released the energies of hate, loss, sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, fear, terror, anger, desperation, separation, loneliness, confusion, pain, grief, sorrow, abuse, rape, sadism, victimization. Every time releasing them back to Source, with love. And every time I did, more feelings, emotions and energies became visible, could be named and then released. Cruelty, loss of dignity, loss of identity, loss of humanity etc. At the end a very intense energy around these souls became visible concerning the medical experiments that had been performed. So I started releasing all the energies around them about objects, fluids, drugs etc. that had been used in these experiments. I saw this all helped the souls to get some more awareness of themselves. And a bunch of them were able to go back to Source.

The second time I went in I sensed myself like an angelic being, like Liquid Light, as you taught us. It was very easy to enter the cloud and sense all the feelings and emotions that were still stuck. Again I began with the most obvious feelings and emotions and after a while again some more explicit energies became visible. This time I had to use the energy of the Dolphins and the Whales to gather all the body parts, like teeth, bones or skin, that had been removed to release that back to source. It felt really weird to do so, but at the same time it felt so necessary.

The third time I came across a cloud of baby souls who all had died from the medical experiments. And before they could be released, they had to be put together or receive their own organs back. I got a very clear understanding of what the experiments had been about. I could sense precisely what needed to be done. And then they all could go back to Source. Then all the energy had to be released from the soil and the buildings. That was quite a lot.

The fourth time I had an extraordinary experience. When I went into another cloud of souls, my attention was drawn to a Rabbi who could not understand that his God had abandoned him. After a while he could see me and I told him that God had never abandoned him. I called upon an angel to guide him back to Source and then all of the sudden there were thousands of angels and light beings forming a gate or passage way and thousands of souls went into that gate. It was amazing. It looked a bit like the exodus scene from that old movie "The Ten Commandments" when the Jews were released from Egypt.

Then I came across a very large grey cloud and I felt that it represented all the thoughts, feelings and emotions of everybody who had survived and everybody in the whole world who had given thought, feelings and emotions to this event ever since the war up until now. I felt like that cloud had also prevented the souls from finding their way back home and the light beings could not penetrate that density. I have the feeling that naming all the specifics and feeling compassion for every single thing that these souls have experienced there, is giving acknowledgement to what has happened.

You know, I am so grateful to you because I have been doing these kind of things for a long time and now I know I am not the only one doing this. That is quite an encouragement!
Love, Yvonne"

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