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December 2000: Respect and Discernment

  • An Angry Indian Elder
  • Communicating with Your Higher Self
  • The Void
  • Lying
  • Trust Vs Like
  • INscension
  • Missing Parts
  • The End of Time
  • My First Test

    "A medicine man shouldn't be a saint. He should experience and feel all the ups and downs, the despair and joy, the magic and the reality, the courage and the fear of his people. He should be able to sink as low as a bug, or soar as high as an eagle. Unless he can experience both, he is no good as a medicine man."
    ---John Fire Lame Deer
An Angry Indian Elder

Last month I was in an out-of-the-way place sixty miles east of Austin, Texas. Some dear friends invited me to their conference, which was a gathering of elders. I was honored to be included and thought it would be a great opportunity for teachers to work together.

While talking with the other elders, I brought up the fact that a lot of healers and teachers are getting sick and dying, and I thought we could share ways of helping one another. Was I in for a surprise!

The gathering was going fine until an honored elder arrived late the second day. He was a Native American Indian, and his energy was rough and full of anger, pain, sadness, and frustration. I was soon asking myself why I was there. I quieted my mind so I could witness. I knew I was being tested.

As he talked, I felt a great deal of compassion for him. He had been in Washington, DC the day before talking with government officials about getting help for his people. His frustration and anger from that experience could be felt energetically throughout the conference that night.

I thought he was going to ask the conference participants to apologize for what happened to the his people. His words and energy were going there. I wondered what I would do if he demanded that we apologize. If I had to apologize to him or his people, then I would have to apologize to every group and every person on Earth. He stopped short of going to that place. What a test.

It was raining the next day when he made another presentation. He was still angry and lashing out. He covered why Governor Bush was bad and why being gay was wrong. His anger became so strong, that the rain became thundering winds. The tent started to move in the wind. My guides told me to get up and ground the energy. My guidance was so strong, I almost fell out of my chair.

I went over to the tent's east entrance and stood across from him. I became very grounded. The storm was close to becoming a full tornado. I could see and feel the forces of hate that had existed for hundreds of years -- the hate between his tribe and the outsiders who had persecuted them. In a few minutes the storm quieted down. My job was over -- to witness not to judge and to have compassion for this path. He is a great man. I was grateful for my own spiritual job.

Amazingly, at the exact same time as the Texas storm, my hometown -- Oakland, California, in the San Francisco Bay area -- was hit by fierce winds of up to 70 M.P.H. that destroyed hundreds of trees. Is it possible our projections can effect different parts of the world?

Many Native American Indian leaders have been warned by their tribes not to teach or share their culture and ceremonies with the white man or any others outside of their tribes. This elder had chosen to defy his tribe and teach to all who came to him as students. Last year, his son was killed under suspicious circumstances. So here is a man doing what he believes -- to the point of taking his and his family's lives in jeopardy. How many of us would follow our spiritual path that far? So many of us judge people when we haven't walked our path, sunk as low as a bug, or soared as high as an eagle.

We must be responsible for our energy and our thoughts. We are far to powerful to project hate, anger or fear onto anyone or anyplace any longer. Our abilities are vast and encompassing. Being compassionate and loving ourselves and others is the seed that will heal the planet and us. We need to stop projecting our thoughts and ideas onto others and the world.

Communicating with Your Higher Self

Many people tell me that they cannot communicate with their Higher Self. They do not trust what they hear from their own inner voice -- if they can hear one at all -- and so they seek answers about their lives from others.

How does our Higher Self communicate with us? Most of us communicate with our Higher Self through our subconscious mind using a major sensory modality: we either see, hear, or feel. If we're having a conversation with someone who needs to visualize information, while we need to feel things, we could easily misunderstand each other even if we're expressing the same idea. Most of us are kinesthetic -- we feel the answers from our Higher Self with our whole body; but others may see or hear their information.

Trusting our feelings is a problem for many of us. We don't trust or listen to our feelings or our inner voice because of past situations when we've been hurt. The first feelings or impressions that come to us, however, are messages from our Higher Self and need to be honored and trusted.

I have a simple exercise to connect you with your Higher Self. Once you are familiar with this technique you can use it confidently to answer any questions about your life. You do have all your answers within you.

For this exercise, sit at a table with paper and pen. First, clear and quiet your mind by focusing on a point on a wall straight ahead. Hold your head level and shift only your eyes so you're looking up at a point on the ceiling. This will quiet your mind immediately.

When your mind is quiet, write down the question Why am I here on Earth? Then ask the question quickly three times, either to yourself or out loud:

Why am I here on Earth?
Why am I here on Earth?
Why am I here on Earth?

Always write down the first answer that comes to you. The answer may come as a word, picture, or feeling. You will usually get answers like to love, teach, learn, play, heal, or share.

If the answer is "to love," find out what it really means by writing another question to your Higher Self. Whatever the words were that you received, write the next question using these words, always pertaining to why you are here on Earth. Ask, for example, How do I love? How do I teach? How do I heal? What does love mean? What am I supposed to be teaching? What am I supposed to share? Always keep your questions simple and use as few words as possible.

As you write your question, clear your mind and repeat the question three times out loud or in your mind, just as you did the first time. Then write down your answer again.

Let's say the sequence went like this:
Why am I here on Earth? To love.
What does love mean? It means to take your power.

Continue this process using the key words from your answer to create a new question. Write down everything that comes to you even if it's strange. Go as fast as you can and don't think about it. Keep writing and asking questions until you start to write continuously. What does taking my power mean?

Do this for five minutes and then look at what you've written. Your answers will give you the key to why you are here on Earth and what you've been creating. You can use this same process to answer any questions you have.

When I do a Heart & Soul Healing session, I put my client in touch with their Higher Self. They already know all their own answers. They just need to learn to trust that this is true.

The Void

Dualities, such as love and hate, are collapsing and dissolving. The collective consciousness, which feeds on these dualities, is also starting to collapse. Everything is changing, evolving, and moving toward the Center, the Clear Light Center, where all dualities balance.

As dualities collapse, so do our realities. The collapse of dualities makes life appear to be going faster. These changes create pressure on us, our lives, and on the Earth. As dualities collapse we are being pushed into another vibrational space -- the Void.

The Void is around us all the time and has many color stages. Some perceive the first stage when their space turns a golden hue. The gold vibration then becomes orange, then burnt umber, and finally a transparent black. The Void is easy to see at night. Some see a translucent black mist when they wake up at night, still half-asleep and groggy. This is the Void.

The Void is the gate between this reality and the next dimension, a dimension of instantaneous creation. We are constantly testing ourselves to see if we are ready to shift and change vibration. Because this shift is so important, our collective consciousness has created a test a thousand times more intense than any of our other tests. This test determines if we have mastered all of our issues and are ready to shift dimensions. To pass through the Void we must face our worst fears.

What would facing your fears feel like? Imagine standing in front of a gigantic black mirror. You are afraid. Your fears, the remaining issues that you have, are reflected in the mirror, amplified a thousand times. Would you be able to walk through this reflection? Could you even run the other way now that the collective consciousness and Earthly dualities have changed? What if you were to feel unconditional love for yourself and amplify that feeling a thousand times? Is this what the Creator feels like?


The Void reflects all distortions in our lives. Besides our fears, lying is also a main cause of distortion. A recent study of college students at the University of Virginia revealed that lying seems to be a way of life for many people. The results showed the students told lies in seventy-seven percent of all conversations with strangers, forty-eight percent with acquaintances, and twenty-eight percent with their best friends. They lied to their lovers thirty-four percent of the time. Lies to Mom came in at forty-six percent. This included small lies told to protect other people's feelings. We can see how easy it is to get confused about our own truth.

A survey of one thousand adults reported in The Day America Told the Truth, found ninety-one percent lie routinely and fifty-nine percent admitted lying regularly to their kids. In a survey published in the April 4, 1997 edition of USA Today, forty-eight percent of workers admitted to unethical or illegal acts in the workplace.

The average person lies twice a day. With each lie we create a barrier making it more difficult to know our truth. This in turn disconnects us from our ability to tap in on our psychic senses and causes distortion in our connection to our Creator.

In Marlo Morgan's book, Mutant Message, the aborigines say one of the most important prerequisites to having a clear mind and using all our psychic abilities is to always be truthful. When we lie, according to the aborigines, we cover our true feelings. We hide our truth so the other person will not know we are lying. Does hiding our true feelings from others also hide them from ourselves and separate us from the Creator?

Lying confuses us and distorts our perceptions of reality. Lying causes us to distrust our own feelings, creating separation and miscommunication with our Higher Self. One of the requirements of mastering unconditional love for ourselves and all creation is to be honest.

Trust vs Like

I have been listening to Patrick Collard's audio tapes on trust. He says we trust what is familiar. Is it possible we attract to ourselves what we trust and are familiar with, such as the way our father and mother acted, even though we don't like those behaviors?

To know if this is true for you, look at what you don't like about your parents. Let's say your mother was angry and mean. Do you still have a pattern today of attracting angry and mean women? One reason for continuing this pattern would be you subconsciously feel comfortable with anger because you survived it in your past. In other words, you trust angry women because that is what you grew up with, even though you do not like being around angry people.

Conflicting feelings like these become highly distorted in the Void and can bring up many confusing emotions. These confusing emotions can make us feel like we are out of control or going crazy. A quiet mind will allow these momentary feelings to pass through us so that they won't be recreated in the space of the Void.

As we prepare ourselves to pass through the Void and enter the dimension of instantaneous creation, we will be tested. We will be tested by having to face our worst fears. Our fears and any distortions we have in our lives will be reflected back to us by the Void a thousand times. Having a quiet mind, loving ourselves, being physically healthy, and being in the moment will allow us safe passage through the Void and into the next dimension.


Until we are fully present and conscious here on Earth, I believe we are not going anywhere. How could we move into another dimension if we haven't yet mastered this dimension? INscension is being fully present in our bodies with conscious awareness.

Let's talk about this dimension. I believe many of us act like two-dimensional beings in a three-dimensional reality. The two-dimensional aspects of our reality are the dualities such as good-evil, light-dark, positive-negative, and male-female. Our third dimension is more than we've been led to believe. If we are fully present and in the moment here -- if we achieve INscension -- we will be able to connect with all other dimensions and realities. Right here. Right now. Because our third-dimensional world is holographic.

One reason I believe our dimension is holographic is because other dimensional beings are here asking us for assistance. Why would they be doing this? Why is the third dimension so important? I believe the main reason is that when we are in the moment we are able to collapse time and affect other realities.

Missing Parts

How can you be present in the moment if you are not fully in your body? Many of you decided to protect yourself energetically by getting out of your body because you were violated and hurt in the past. Almost all my clients realize ninety percent of them is energetically missing. Most left their bodies by age four by saying "I don't want to be here." They are so full of feelings and emotions from their past that now they do not know how they feel.

The missing parts of each of us are with the collective consciousness observing, learning, understanding, and becoming aware. Our task is to bring our missing parts back into our bodies and be totally conscious and present in the moment.

Bringing ourselves back into our bodies, loving ourselves, and being in the moment will allow us to work miracles.

The End of Time

As we learn to simply Be, we may reach the end of time so many of us have heard about. Maybe the end of time is simply moving into the timeless state of the Now and simply Being. When we are in the moment, we are timeless. Perhaps the true purpose of time is to act as a reference point so we can exist in the moment. What if the true gift of having a physical body is to provide us with a constant anchor point for the Now?

The quality of the moment should never be underestimated. When I am fully in the moment I'm no longer certain I have any past lives; they no longer have an emotional charge for me. I believe this lifetime and all past lives are collapsing into the moment. Instead of past lives, I now simply have memories that are part of my wisdom and understanding. Whether these experiences were on this planet or other planets, yesterday or tomorrow, no longer matters.

When we are in the moment, we become a gate to the Creator and every other dimensional reality. Remember, the moment is the access point for the finest reflection of Source we can be.

My First Test

I stared down the telescopic site of the rifle. It was still muggy at four in the morning; I was nervous, and stinging droplets of sweat kept fouling my vision. The black tarpaper under my knees was warm, verging on hot, and I could smell the faint sour reek from the rooftop drain vents. In front of me was a kind of narrow alleyway between houses that opened onto the most vulnerable side of the wood-framed building beneath me. The back of the building, which sat out on piers over the lake, I wasn't worried about. The police car in the parking lot and my employee lying in the bed of his pickup could take care of the rest.

I lowered the rifle to swipe at my forehead with my shirt sleeve. Maybe it was my imagination. Maybe I hadn't heard anything after all. I rested my aching arms on my knees, hoping that my family was asleep. Even my wife didn't know what I was really doing. Almost every relative I had in the world was checked into the hotel below me. My hotel. They thought I was worried about a weather disaster. That's how I had explained the boarded-up windows to everyone when they showed up for the family reunion. What I was really worried about was someone stepping around the corner of the building in front of me with a match, and a glass bottle with a gas-soaked tampon taped to the side. All they would have to do was run forward a few steps, light the firebomb, and then throw a pass that even the worst armchair quarterback in the world couldn't miss. I calculated that I'd have at the most three seconds in which to drop them with a bullet. If I hesitated, or missed, they'd have time to hurl the bottle under the hotel's pier and beam foundation, and I would be sitting on top of a five alarm inferno with my entire family inside.

The problems with bikers had begun almost on the day that I bought the hotel and had steadily compounded, like interest on a bad debt. I didn't have many rules, but the few rules that I had to insist on, like banning knives or gang colors inside the bar, infuriated them. Finally they became enough of a nuisance that the police chief had no choice but to run them out of town. The police chief had called to tell me the bikers had promised to burn my resort to the ground on their way out.

A lone cricket chirped forlornly in the darkness. I thought I saw a bat rip through the cloud of moths around a floodlight like an airborne knife. Then I heard it again. This time it was unmistakable. Someone in boots was walking directly toward me. I raised the rifle, steadying my elbows against the roof's raised parapet, and pressed my eye once again against the sight. It felt like my blood had been replaced with a mixture of pure adrenaline and rage. My finger started the slow squeeze of the trigger that they had taught us in the army. I was primed and ready to kill. I was ready to commit "justifiable homicide."

The footsteps grew nearer. "Burn my bar?!" I wanted to scream, "kill my family?!" I'd show them. I'd teach them a lesson they'd never forget. By now I could hear the crisp sound of gravel crunching under foot. The arrogant bastard wasn't even trying to be quiet. I pressed the rifle stock deep into my shoulder, trying to stop the gun from shaking. I felt like I could almost hear him breathing. The footsteps were so near now that I knew he would be stepping out from behind the nearest house in just a few seconds. I had to be ready. I had to be ready. Then the footsteps suddenly stopped. In my mind I could picture the glow of the lighter as he held it to the side of the molotov cocktail he was going to use to kill my family. I felt something harden within me. All time stopped. I knew that I would kill. A moment later I heard the solid whack of a screen door slamming shut. All of the air went out of me as I folded up over the borrowed rifle like a mother over a dead child. "My God," I whispered, rocking back and forth. "My God." My eyes stung but no tears came. "My God," I whispered again. A blurred rectangle of light winked on and off on the second floor of the building across from me. That was Shane's room. Shane was my neighbor's teenage son. He came into my bar all the time to buy sodas. I'd nearly killed him.

A single tear fell from my eye to the warm black tarpaper, darkening it momentarily before it evaporated and was borne away by the breeze. An uncompromising hatred rose up like a snake within me, a hatred of myself, my life, and all of my wretched possessions. I wanted to reduce everything I had to the size of a stone and throw it into the sea. I had followed my father's advice to the letter and worked longer and harder than anyone else to become a millionaire. Yet something had never felt quite right. Now, for one brief shining moment, God had parted the curtains to show me what I was really worth. The building beneath me felt monstrous and alien. I would have torched it myself to learn what I had learned that night. Nothing I had was worth killing for. Nothing I had was worth dying for. Nothing I had was worth anything at all.

I pushed the gun away and collapsed backward. A patch of stars wheeled through the clouds overhead. I felt the roughness of the roof against my palms. The sound of blood pounding in my ears slowly gave way to the lake's gentle lapping at the dock. I made many vows that night. I would end up breaking most of them, again and again, until the time when I myself was finally broken.

I had sunk as low as a bug. We've all been there.

This section is an excerpt from my book, The End of Time, which you can read in its entirety on this website.



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