A Special Day

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AUGUST 2004 Message from Ken ::>><<:: A Special Day


•           A Special Day or A Dangerous Moment

•           Santa Claus is coming to Town

•           The Past is Complete – A Space for New Beginnings




A Special Day or A Dangerous Moment


Our birthdays are very special for each of us. It is the day that reflects our birth and the cellular memory of what happened to us on that day. When I turned 40, I went to have my eyes checked.  I needed glasses that year. Each year after, I returned to have my eyes checked on my birthday. For the next three years, my eyes were a little worse. I could not understand since I had been doing my best to heal my eyes.  Of course, being a healer, I placed a lot of pressure on myself to figure this out.  I would also feel an uncomfortable burning sensation in my eyes around my birthday every year. Then it came to me.

 The day I was born, they put drops of silver nitrate into my eyes.  This is something that was done to every newborn so many years ago.  It was one of my first experiences and, being a caustic substance, must have ‘burned like heck’. You see, I was going from being in a warm, loving place to an unknown world.  It felt like everything was collapsing in on me. I could not breath well and thought I was going to die.  There was a great feeling of fear and pain and my entire system went into shock.  The medication that was given to my mother was a factor and it was hours before I finally birthed. The doctor was not the most gentle of individuals as he held me upside down by my feet and slapped me on my bottom. My first breath was associated with pain. I felt assaulted as they cleaned me. The light in the room was very bright and the temperature was cold, freezing to my skin. The scale was icy and someone stuck a thermometer up my little butt.  A squeegee was put up my nose and it felt like my brains were being sucked out. Then the silver nitrate drops were put into my eyes and the doctor circumcised me. As if that was not enough, they put me into a room with other screaming and crying spirits and my mother and I never got to bond with each other. So what kind of programming was set on a cellular basis?  Is it any wonder that so many of us ask:  Who or what can I trust? 

 Believe it or not, the day we are born could be very shocking and potentially damaging to our psyche on so many levels. I think if you look back to some of your birthdays, you will find that something happened to you on or close to that day that was hurtful or painful. So if you are around my age, you are probably considering not having birthdays any more!  

 If you had some of the same experiences, then your questions are the same: who is safe?   Was my mother safe?  No.  Was my father safe?  No.  Was the doctor or those around me safe?  No. Do I dislike the cold? Yes.  Does bright light hurt my eyes?  Yes. Do I feel safer being alone? Yes.  Do I like being around people who cry?  No. I am sure there are a lot of questions you can ask yourself and hear your own answers.

 Now before a couple hundred of you send me an email telling me that I sound like I am emotionally unavailable, or a whiner, I admit that I am. At least I figured that out for myself, am aware of my emotions and know they continue to change. It seems that we are built to keep looking at these traumatic triggers not just on our birthday but other days such as New Years, Christmas, Thanksgiving holidays or other special days that hold particular memories for us.  Rebirthing was a healing modality that was very popular 8 – 10 years ago and I know many people have examined these patterns for themselves.  So for everyone, here is an easy technique to help clear birth patterns.  http://www.kenpage.com/healingtechniques/rebirthing.html

 My 58th birthday is coming up. For the last few months there has been a new feeling around this year. This is something I was not particularly aware of before. My father died at the age of 58 years old in 1982 while in the hospital. This was the father who had raised me. (My biological father rarely helped to support me while I was growing up and is also now deceased - another story). At the time my father died, I was 36.  He seemed to be so much older. What’s up for me this year is I am going to be 58 and I feel very young.  I realize that I did not understand at all what he and my mother were going through at the time of his death. They had some 40+ years of combined experiences that I had not had. I thought I knew so much, only to question how could I ever understand something I had never before experienced.  My father was in World War II as an Alamo Scout in the army in the South Pacific.  He had witnessed and done more things than I shall ever fully understand or experience. He was a National square dance caller and very famous in his time. While I was growing up, we had many battles of our own. The beatings still cause me to be very reactive to people with certain types of energy around them. I healed from that along time ago and only now, as a father too, can begin to understand what his frustrations or emotions might have been. It would be great to have him alive so I could tell him that he did the best he could raising me and I’m sorry if I made his life harder.  I was very rebellious and often ran away. He did so much more than he needed to do in order to support me and our family and I know he loved us all very much.

 Birthdays cause us all to be reflective. On your next birthday, ask yourself these questions:  Are you where you thought you would be? Are you doing what you love at work?  Are you in a relationship you love? Do you have the things that support you, like a living space, car, persons, things…?  Are you happy with how you are or have raised your children?  Are you satisfied with your level of energy?  Are you happy with your body? Knowing what you know now, what would you have done differently? 

 Guess by now you get the idea. If we use our past to define ourselves or others, or use our neighbor or families or our friends to define us, we are probably not having a great day. For me, I know I am safe and can trust being alone. I still cannot handle the sound of crying.


Santa Claus is coming to Town

 I live in kind of a funny body.  My hair is white and my beard is white. My hair started to go white when I was only 18 years old. Luckily I have not had a lot of sun damage (not a lot of wrinkles) since I do not feel like a white-haired man. 

 Just before Easter, we were in a large mall in Georgia . Nancy and her son were getting photos taken of Nancy ’s granddaughter. The lady running the photo booth pulled me aside and asked me how long it would take for me to grow out my beard. She said I would make a great Santa Claus.  Santa had always looked so old.  The age association shocked me.  I am going to be 58 years old and now someone thinks I look like Santa Claus.  Maybe I just need a vacation.

 That conversation took me over the edge or hill as some people might say. So – I could shave off my beard, slightly change my hair color; all the things I could do to make myself look younger. I do believe people should do whatever helps them feel better about themselves and stay young at heart in their minds. I wonder though – to what degree should I go to look different than I am, and is it necessary?  I still feel really young – I just look like Santa.  

 After thinking about this offer for a while, I think I would make a great Santa Claus. I could help thousands of children and their families be happy by being loving, and reaching out to their small spirits like the true spirit of Santa Claus ought to do. Sounds like a great job.  Maybe this will be my new future - being someone else  - Santa Claus – and not having to search any longer for who I am.  I know who I am, I just cannot tell anyone.  So, if one day you see a Santa and he looks real and has blue eyes, and you feel warm inside with a good feeling of hope about yourself – and you have not heard from me in a couple of years - know that I decided to take the job - still helping the world be a better place, just disguised as St. Nicholas – which may be better than disguising myself as Ken Page.


The Past is Complete – A Space for New Beginnings  

My book, The Heart of Soul Healing, is finally done. It is now due from the printers before the end of this month:  Letter size, 422 pages and 1,000 copies on the first printing of this new Third Edition. Everything I know is contained in one book and we are going to be able to reduce the price from $39.95 to $29.95 USD. 

 The book is complete and so am I. I was thinking about all of the people who have been in my life, some helped and worked on this project in one way or another.  They were my family and closest friends.  None of these people are any longer in my life in the same way: SB, RP, RL, HH, FL, ML, RP, MD, SH, DM, KNC, DF, KP, JN, N, DR, BB, MD, RW, MA, LB, BD, DS, O, BS, HS, MM, KC, RR, GB, JC, JN, SY, AP, TP, EP, MV, BG, PF, AB, KF, HS, TD, AD, MT, HW, CS, MD, DF, DR, AW, DM, LM, KD  – some fifty plus people who came in, helped and guided.  We became each others teachers and students and then things changed.  Spirit sure has a funny way of supporting a project.  Wish we did not have to lose so many people we thought were our friends. This book has caused a lot of confusing emotions throughout the years because it represents not just my process, but also the processing of many people on many levels as well as the shifts and healing of the collective consciousness.  This book is one of the few that has been written on how to change the collective consciousness back to creative energy.  As this book and its information come out, it is my hope that it allows our karma and dharma to free each other as well as all the old ways in which we all held each other. I want to thank each and every one of these individuals for helping get the truth of this information out and be available to everyone.

 Looking back at the loss of friends and family – I have to ask if it was worth it.  About 85 percent of me says No, and the rest of me accepts that there was no choice; everything had to play itself out.  Change often causes some relationships to take other forms.  For me, relationship is one of the reasons I am here on earth. I have signed my other book -The Way It Works- for people over the years, some 20,000 times with the words: in friendship and play. This has always been my goal. This was another of my ideas. Every one of us has our own ideas. As each of you already know, nothing is the way it appears. It can be shocking to realize that what you thought was real was not the way others felt. If we agreed on some level to do this, then all of us can say: Thank God it is over.  And to my old friends and family – it is time to celebrate.   

 So the book is done and here comes another project.  This one will be different.  We are looking for a publisher who can market -The Heart of Soul Healing- in a big way.  Now I shall join the ranks of thousands of other authors, all of us doing the same thing. I feel I am in good company and at least we can all say we did our best to share our passions, each of us living on in our printed words. I pray that someone feels our truths.


©2004 Ken Page-Clear Light Arts. 

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