June 2002 Message from Ken: Gypsy
I am traveling again -- off now to Canada and then England -- and will be away from home for a long time. When I travel with spirit, time is different, and I have no future in this place. I am only in the moment. Where I am is my home. A true gypsy.
In France, gypsies are often called Travelers. I have called myself a Traveler for many years -- traveling in the past and the future to other worlds and working with clients as they look into their minds' eye and explore the unknown.
So, here I am far away from home, doing the best I can to fit into a world that I would like to change. How do I get along in a world that is at war with itself and have compassion for that world the way it is when I envision so much more? I hope that my traveling is not a way for me to hide from time or hide from myself.
The letter in the following section is from one of my students. I have only worked with her for a short time, and she is now my teacher. (I love this spiritual stuff.) I thought you would enjoy the way she thinks and explores herself, discovering the teacher that she truly is.
Remember: When you ask a question, and you search for your
truth, you become the teacher.
May 11, 2002
Hello, and I hope all is going well for you and your family. I checked the web site the other day to see if I had missed your latest newsletter and I saw how busy you are these days. Isn't it wonderful. Lots of workshops and healing sessions planned for you these next few months.
I actually considered popping in to one of you workshops or lectures in London. Just to say hello. It is a very small world for us flight attendants. The dates conflicted with a trip we had planned over a year ago with the kids. However, if my schedule changes perhaps I will pop in.
Last week my daughter told me that she does not want to grow up and become an adult. This is quite disturbing for a parent. So I sat down with her and talked. She has observed and has made some conclusions about adults.
When I explored her feelings on the subject, she told me that she wanted to be able to play forever. I told her that she could play forever if she wanted to. Then she wanted me to explain to her why I do not play. We decided that I do not know how to play like a child and she is going to teach me. Isn't that great? Out of the mouths of babes.
I have decided that I would like to write to you from time to time. I realize that you are a busy man so please do not feel pressured to correspond regularly. This is more of an exercise for me to be able to value myself and to share honestly. Besides, if I am planning to be a student and teacher of your work I should not be afraid to ask questions from time to time. I wanted to thank you for all the processes that you assisted me with while you were here. Each session has had a profound effect on me being able to clear away old programs and old energies, which allows more of my true self to reunite.
The primary energy demonstration released the rage energetic that I was carrying around forever. The dynamics in our entire family changed for the better.
When I had a private session between the practitioner and
teacher trainings, we were able to address the issues surrounding
my heart and why it had felt broken. Then you assisted me by
guiding me through the process of merging my soul with my heart
to create a sphere.
This has changed everything about me. I feel so calm, peaceful, joyful, and compassionate. I, in turn, will be able to guide others through the process. When I check in on my self, I love seeing this sparkling sphere in my chest. I believe the next step is to love myself and to see the seed of creation in the sphere. I practice constantly clearing, bringing my field in, loving myself, and being one with all energies. I am no longer afraid and that is such a freeing experience. Once you have tasted this kind of freedom, there is no going back to the confining world of fear.
The last demo that we did for the teachers training class, which was the PMS [pre-menstrual syndrome] demo, was the key to a program that I have spent my entire life recreating. When I listen to the audiotape of our class, I chuckle because it is so obvious that we know we should do some work on these issues but we are not sure if we want to go there just yet. After all, Sunday was the last day, and we were all processed to the max. It was an emotional day, and we were all tired. I am thrilled that we finally surrendered and decided to do the work. When you bridged the PMS symptoms to a relationship that I had for four years starting when I was 21 that had allot of emotional trauma, I was surprised because I had never finished processing this relationship. This was a real breakthrough for me.
This is the part in the letter that I have to get honest about. When we continued to look at the origin of the violation, it brought me to a memory of when I was a little girl, and my grandfather was beginning the patterns of abuse. I just knew I could not go any further. I was scared that someone would judge me and scared that someone would know I was bad. I tried to push though the fear so when you were going in, right in for the core issue, which was what I thought about men, I subconscious changed the subject to my mother knowing about the abuse. That was entirely, a different subject that I had resolved a year ago. When I heard myself do that while listening to the tape of the session, I was surprised and disappointed. I was so close but not willing to take a chance. Then you even came in a second time to get to the core issue, but I stopped myself again. While I was on the table looking at my situation, the energy had a rocking sensation, which was making me very nauseous. For a moment, I thought I was going to toss my cookies. I quickly talked myself out of that one. I bet you're glad about that! What do you think that was about? Looking back at it, it was either the whole subject was making me sick and it wanted to be purged, or I was making myself sick by holding back so much energy. It was a sham because what would have taken ten minutes to resolve during a session, now was going to take a week to release.
So when I had my next trip to Munich I locked myself away for 27 hours and began the journey inward. I was able to retrieve some more memories, definitely to gross for the classroom, but great to release. Interestingly, I discovered that the real trigger feelings were that there was no special treatment, no reward, no anything. I only received special attention before and during the time I was allowing myself to be abused. Which set up a program in me that love = sacrificing yourself or love has to be earned, even if it is uncomfortable. The big one was I thought I was not lovable, even if I was really good. This set up dynamics to be really bad or carefree.
This was a major breakthrough for me. It revealed to me the dynamics for every single relationship I had ever had. I chose to use others just as they had used me. Sex was just a process to get attention or love rather than an expression of love. As I processed this, I discovered another huge primary energy of rage. I decided to exercise for 2 hours a day just to get some relief from this incredible, murderous rage that was building up inside me.
I reread your book "The End of Time" and discovered even more triggers within myself. (This is a good thing!) At last, when I was good and uncomfortable and had lost my voice from holding down so much energy I finally called someone for help. Joe was the first to call back [Joe Nolan, a Heart & Soul Healing practitioner and teacher] and in a few minutes it was all over. How wonderful it is to be able to shift so much energy in only a few minutes. I have had such peace ever since.
When I mention experiencing triggers while reading your book, I mean that I was relating to the energetics and the feelings the different people might have experienced. In your story, I related to the feelings that your ex-wife and Melinda might have had while you were confused about your spiritual path. Your heart had such a driving force to push ahead to uncharted waters. While you wanted to honor yourself and your purpose, it was at the expense of others. Thinking you were dangerous to them, you, out of love, protected them by isolating yourself from the people who loved you. I also related to your children and how they might have felt when their father appeared to be choosing a spiritual path rather than his children.
I find your ability to be gut level honest so refreshing. And so healing. I have spent a lifetime trying to understand this very dynamic with my own father. For years, I internalized all the reasons for him leaving and only recently did I discover it was his only way of protecting his children from what was dangerous. I am beginning to understand that he is doing the best he can in this moment and to just forgive.
The reason for me to share such honest emotion is to celebrate that I have come full circle and I no longer have to wage war with this dynamic. As I shared in class with the other students, there is one thing I honor about you as a healer and teacher: the driving force you have within you to keep going, to keep searching within. While reading your book, I also experienced such compassion for all the sacrifices you have made throughout your life, so you would have the opportunity to reconnect to what you know to be true and to be able to share this insight with others. My life today is full of healing and miracles because you honored the force or drive within you to keep pushing ahead. You kept laying the stones in the pathway, one by one, until others were able to join you on this journey. Like your wife Mary and your partner Shirley and friend Joe. The energy that I never understood and waged war with turned out to be my greatest teacher. I thank you for your honesty and for the opportunity to share this with you.
My daughter Sarah has also been a teacher for me of your work. She keeps volunteering in order to push me ahead. She guilds me each week into a new experience of your work. One week she had 180 children inside her, and she told me after I released them that she only released the boys since they have cuddies. Ha ha. The girls liked it in her body. After talking gently to her and by calling in more angles, she finally agreed to send them back to source.
Last week we released an old man she was helping. When I was able to sense that she might need some further assistance in the healing process, we went to the blue and silver ball. She said her whole body was hurting. I was energetically by her side, and while I was with her, I felt a ripple of sorrow and sadness roll over me. I could hardly believe so much emotion was being released from such a little girl. I was thrilled to be able to help my daughter and to experience my abilities expand. She is doing great.
My son Dalton is working on power and more power and to control all that power. I have my work cut out, but spirit reassures me that all will be fine. Nothing lots of attention won't cure.
My husband is doing fantastic. He was smart and stayed clear of me while I was in process for a couple days. He graduates next week, and we will celebrate the sweet victory of our success. The session you had with him has had a profound effect. Thanks for showing him no mercy!! even though he is under stress of finals at school plus job-hunting, which brings up every insecurity known to man or men. Ha ha. He is doing great. We just celebrated our 10-year anniversary, and we feel like kids starting a new adventure.
This weekend Bonnie and I are practicing at her house. We have lined up six people to practice on and one of them is a teacher/friend of ours. He has read everything on your Web site and is very excited about experiencing heart and soul work. Both Bonnie and I have been practicing on our flying partners and have had positive feedback.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and words. It feels good and a little scary to be able to be honest about issues and programs I have had for lifetimes. I also wanted you to know that a lot of wonderful healing has come from all that you share about yourself and your journey.
Your student and friend