Not Safe to Be Who You Are: Marlisa

Marlisa came for a Heart & Soul Healing™ (HSH) session full of questions. She'd been to many healers and practitioners over the years, but she'd never found the answers she'd been looking for. She was not really sure what HSH was so I began to briefly explain what would be covered in her session.

As we sat together, I told her, "Today we are looking for any negative patterns your subconscious mind or Higher Self is giving energy to that your conscious mind is unaware of. By your subconscious mind, I am referring to the portion of you that knows all about you and everything that has ever happened to you. This is the part of you we will access through the energy patterns you may be wearing.

"You may access your unconscious knowing visually, auditorily or kinesthetically. No matter how your information comes, please tell me the very first thing that comes into your mind when I ask you a question. The first thought, sensing or knowing that comes to you is information from your Higher Selves. Sometimes the first thing that comes into your mind might not make sense. This is because your ego and your conscious mind are made up of real-time experiences that happened in this lifetime. Your subconscious mind holds those experiences, in addition to information from past lives or other realities. Naturally your ego would challenge any of these other realities.

"The most self empowering thing any one can ever do is to establish trust in your Higher Selves. Once you have made this connection consciously, you know the information you are receiving is truth. You will not have to depend on someone else for your answers."

Next, I demonstrated the process of energetic hand scanning used in HSH. I quickly scanned the field around Marlisa's left arm and hand. While doing so, I picked up a strong pattern of energetics around both of her wrists, which she could also feel.

To help Marlisa understand why there might be a pattern around her wrist, I explained that the energy still stored in this area indicated that she was held back, restrained or tied up at some time in her past. It might have happened in a past life. It doesn't matter if past lives are true or not. Past lives may really only be stories our subconscious mind tells us, so we can look at the lessons and patterns in our life in a slightly different way. What is important is the overall lesson of what we are learning or trying to understand now.

Marlisa seemed to be unsure of exactly what I meant. So in order for her to understand, I explained to her what could have happened, saying, "This is what we don't know. We don't know if you were male or female, young or old. The importance in this difference would be if you were old, you might have been angry. If you were young, you might have been scared. We know that the people who were doing this to you were projecting anger and hate. You understood physically why this happened to you, because they told you. They didn't like you for what you said, what you did or for who you were. While you understood physically, I don't think you understood mentally, emotionally or spiritually why you were being hurt, restrained or punished.

"As you died in that life, I believe you ascended back to Source where you reviewed that life. By going back to the beginning, when you were with God, you found out you had come in to learn some aspect of love. What you ended up experiencing was probably betrayal, anger and death. If so, your subconscious mind might have developed the program it was not safe to love, not safe to be who you are or not safe to take your power.

We will be looking today for any inappropriate program that your subconscious mind might still be playing out today." To bring my example closer to home, I continued, "For instance, what if you picked your parents based on the energy around them? Wouldn't they have been the best reflection of what you didn't previously understand or what you still needed to master?"

To summarize my major points and move onto the next phase of Marlisa's session, I said, "The first thing we are looking for today is the specific energy or polarity your subconscious mind is using to attract and reflect your issues. In other words, I believe we are here to master all the conditions we as humans put on love.

"By constantly attracting people who reflect your issues, you would eventually have compassion for that aspect of yourself and for all creation, based on your experiences. We will be looking for these subconscious energetics to find out where they originally came from and how long they have been around you and your family?"

Moving on, I explained to Marlisa, "The second thing we look for is any piece of you that may be out of time. By this I mean what if there is part of you you have never forgiven? What if you are energetically looping with that piece to attract people to you today who have the same issue, so you can understand that part of yourself? It would feel as if pieces of you were stuck in places and emotions of the past.

"The next thing we look for is anything attached to you. This sounds weird, but what I mean is what if you loved somebody so much, you actually gave a piece of yourself to that person? Maybe he/she is not with you today, but their thoughts are still energetically affecting you. What if, when your parents created you, they actually gave a piece of themselves to you and energetically they have never taken it back? Is it possible that they like being energetically connected to you more than they like being with themselves? If so, how could that be energetically affecting you today?"

Covering the last main area of what is covered in a HSH session, I said, "Finally, we will be looking for past lives and issues you might be karmically working on that you have not been able to let go of. By karmic I mean recurring interactions with a group or individuals, or a set of repeating lessons or issues. The most important thing we will look for is any inappropriate subconscious program you might still be playing out."

Marlisa felt a little unsure and wondered if she would be able to do everything I'd explained to her. To set her mind at ease, I told her it would be very easy to access the information she was seeking. In order to do this, I told Marlisa, "Always remember to tell me the very first thing that comes into your mind. If you don't understand my questions, continue to ask until you understand. By understanding, I mean you understand physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When you achieve that type of understanding, you will get a feeling of "OH!" which means you really understand what you have been creating and why. This understanding gives you new choices.

Now it was time for Marlisa to tell me why she had come for a session. I have been given written permission by Marlisa to print her complete interview statement, written in her own words.

Marlisa's Story :

My name is Marlisa, and my history is very traumatic on all levels: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Starting with preconception, I felt betrayed by God. I was happy and close to God but He sent me into physical form without saying good-bye or why I had to come to Earth. I did not want to come. I still do not want to be here. At conception, I felt attacked. In the womb, I was trapped and hurt by my mother's anger. My mother was very abusive. She tried to kill my spirit. She was narcissistic, controlling, manipulative, rageful and nasty. She helped to squash my self love, esteem, safety, specialness, power, creativity and confidence. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I lived in fear and terror. Mistakes were deadly. I was the "other woman" to her regarding my father.

My father was my protector. He was loving and we have a special bond. I was his favorite. He was also an absentee father, starting his business and providing for us. At about the age 2 or 3, something very traumatic happened to me. It was time to go to bed, but I didn't want to go. I wanted to play. My sister and I shared a room and because we were afraid of the dark, we had night lights. I started making noises with the sheet and my sister screamed, crying out that I wouldn't let her go to sleep. Mom forced Dad to come in our room. He warned me to go to sleep and then he left. I made more noises with the sheet and my sister screamed again. Dad, having been yelled at by Mom, came in, roughly grabbed me and my pillow and took me into the dark playroom where my baby crib was. He pried me from his neck and threw me into the crib. He turned around and walked out, abandoning me to the bogie man. I screamed in terror in the corner of my crib. I got out by crawling over the bars and I ran back to my bed. I cried myself to sleep. Everything stopped that night. I felt I lost my specialness with Dad. He abandoned me, just as God had abandoned me. I did not ever want to make Dad angry again, so I became very careful around him. My heart was broken.

At the age of four, my Mom was my teacher in nursery school. One day, I went with my girlfriend into the art room. We were making drums. While the materials were drying we went outside to join the group. My mother accused me of breaking the drums and ended up giving me a different, lesser drum. She screamed at me in her piercing tone. I was in shock. She wouldn't listen to me. She didn't believe me. I had not broken anything, but I was still punished. I felt betrayed. From then on, I sustained paralyzed will, loss of power, creativity and joy. My world was not safe and I lived in fear all the time.

I have a very deep sadness and despair to this day. The abuse from my mom and the toll it took on my heart and spirit is beyond any psychotherapeutic help. My whole childhood was not safe. The abuse never stopped and its effects are still with me today.

I am ultra sensitive. I have difficulty in sustaining my health and being in my body, I have allergies to food, air and the town I live in. In 1980, I was in a plane crash and sustained injuries to my back and neck. Since then I have been in eight car accidents, several of which should have killed me. My body was in shock for seven years. I have also survived a drive-by shooting. Five years ago, when I started dealing with my mother issues, it affected my colon, stomach and solar plexus. My entire elimination and digestive system stopped working. For the last 16 years, I have been working on healing and getting well. It has been and still is difficult.

My current injuries are a compression fracture T-12, misaligned pelvis, pain in my lower back, legs, shoulders and arms. I regularly receive thoracic, neck and back adjustments. I am now experiencing right shoulder pain as well as a stiff neck.

My current illnesses are: poor digestion, where I am unable to take in food. My stomach feels too tight, full of gas, bloated and painful. I keep losing weight. My nervous system is very fragile. I can't take much stress. I am continually constipated. I suffer chronic depression, anxiety and insomnia. I am currently on medication. It is very hard for me to stay stable. I have lots of mood swings. I am unable to have vaginal orgasms. My liver is not working properly, nor are my kidneys and adrenal glands. My ears drain. My sex drive is gone. I have acne on my backside and I am hypoglycemic, with low blood sugar. I am fatigued most of the time. I get dizzy and have poor concentration. My short term memory is shot. My thoughts are obsessive and compulsive, especially when I am in the cess pool of hell. I feel hopeless and suicidal. I have strong mood swings. At the age of 5 I said, "I don't want to be here if this is the way my life is going to be."

My past surgeries include bilateral bunionectomy on both feet, an abortion, conization of my cervix and extraction of my wisdom teeth.

I am emotional almost all the time. My emotions are: fear, hopelessness, despair, internalized rage, and terror. I have no options. I always think things are my fault. I am misunderstood, because my head and my body do not work. I hate myself for it. I am bad. I hate myself when I am in physical pain, dysfunction and discomfort. I feel like there is a battle between light and darkness inside of me. I am worthless. I feel overwhelmed and out of control. I am obsessive and compulsive and I am a screw up and I will never be good enough.

I am unable to take care of myself financially. Physically I can't take care of myself. I was brought up to think a man would do it for me. When I am scared, I do not know that I am OK. I am afraid of success and failure. I am afraid whenever I start feeling good because something bad always happens and I stop feeling good. I am afraid I will never get well enough to make my life work. I am afraid of living and being happy. I am also afraid of being healthy.

I have trust issues to do with betrayal. I always felt I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am also afraid of being in another auto accident. My body can't handle the trauma anymore.

A lot of people around me have died: Michael, Francine, my maternal grandfather, Robert and my paternal grandparents. My grandfather (Robert) molested me when I was young.

As far as patterns, I experience constant critical voices. They tell me: No matter what I do, it won't work out. I have a resistance to change. It is hard for me to let go of anything. My heart closes up, I lose my creativity and then my joy and my happiness are gone. The city I live in is too harsh for me, but I have been too ill to leave. I seem to attract negative energy wherever I go and from everyone I meet. The medication I take is too much for my delicate nervous system, yet I need it to survive. I fear being alone for the rest of my life and not having enough money to meet my needs.

My critical voice tells me I am bad and not good enough. I always had to do things by myself. Energetically or psychically, my family pulls on me. I also seem to be a conduit for universal psychic crap. I pick up stuff that is not mine. I was born with six planets in my twelfth house.

I am very sensitive to other people's pain and take it on to the point where I can't function. It hurts my heart and soul that the world is abusive and people are disrespectful, thoughtless and uncompassionate to one another. Even though I was a magic child, I was broken. My psychic abilities are blocked. I have fear of physical intimacy, getting hurt, abandonment, betrayal, and emotional intimacy with both males and females. I have sadness about God not being there for me and that my life has been so traumatic.

I find men who need rescuing on some level. My relationships do not last long as I have been so ill. I would like my life to:

My questions are:

We Begin Our Work Together

 

As Marlisa finished giving me her information, I began her session by taking her on a very short visualization.

Ken: I call upon your guides and your angels to be here now and I call upon my guides and angels to be here now, to create a space, a safe place, so everything is exactly the way you wish it to be, to support you in the highest and most spiritual way.

Now remember, we all imagine different ways: Some of us see, some of us feel and some of us hear. However your information comes to you, just know it's perfect and remember to tell me the very first thing that comes into your mind.

I am going to take you on a journey to a beautiful place, a spiritual place, a safe place. Just imagine you are walking along a beach, a beautiful beach. It is a nice day, a safe day.

There are many colors of blue and white, many colors of blue in the sky and the water and many colors of white in the clouds and the sand and the foam.

Most important of all there is a beautiful light around you. It gets brighter and brighter. It is brilliant, neon and electric. It gets brighter and brighter until you realize this color is you, the essence of your spirit. What is the color you are now sensing around you?

Marlisa: Gold.

K: This is the color of your soul as it touches God. It is now touching you. Every cell of your body is now illuminating, and you are changing as this gold color surrounds you and touches every layer of your being. Follow this color into the center of your mind. It is a crystalline sphere and it's called your pineal. It is a spiritual and quiet place where you can get your own answers. In that place there is a symbol, shape or object. What is the first symbol or shape that comes into your mind?

M: A circle.

K: What color is it?

M: Blue.

K: How does it feel?

M: Warm and inviting.

K: And now, in that safe place, you turn a quarter turn to the left. What is the second shape or symbol that comes into your mind? What color is it and how does it feel?

M: A square. It is iridescent and it feels smooth. After asking Marlisa's permission, I place my hand gently on her forehead, where I had originally felt an energy pattern around her.

K: I want to speak to the energy inside of you. Speaking directly to the energy of fear, confusion and self doubt. If that energy could speak to me now, what is the first thing it would say?

M: Go away.

K: How many lifetimes have you been with Marlisa?

M: Eighteen.

K: How many times have you killed Marlisa?

M: Fourteen.

K: Are you trying to kill Marlisa now?

M: Yes.

K: From one to a hundred, how much energy are you taking from Marlisa?

M: Eighty-five per cent.

K: Energy, how do you affect the way Marlisa sees or perceives?

M: I block her and stop her from seeing clearly.

K: How do you affect her relationships?

M: I make her feel like she doesn't deserve them.

K: What color are you?

M: Black.

K: Now black energy what do you want from Marlisa?

M: I want her energy.

K: How many pounds of psychic weight or pressure have you been on Marlisa's body?

M: More than a ton of weight and pressure.

K: Energy, what places, cities, or countries around the planet are you currently affecting?

M: The Middle East, Bosnia and Mexico.

K: How do you make the people in those places act or feel?

M: Worthless, scared, lonely and hopeless.

K: Marlisa, I believe this energy came into you in the Mid East, Bosnia or Mexico a long time ago, when you said, "If it is the last thing I am going to do, I am going to balance this energy." How many lifetimes, Marlisa, have you been trying to balance this energy?

M: Sixteen.

K: Marlisa, I believe you lived a long time ago. This energy has been with you sixteen lifetimes and has killed you fourteen times. It's taking 85% of your energy; it's affecting the way you see and it's interfering with you and your relationships. This energy is black and it has been over a ton of psychic weight or pressure on you. It has been affecting you, the United States, the Mid East, Bosnia and Mexico, by making people feel worthless, scared, lonely and hopeless.

K: (Speaking directly to Marlisa), Your vibration and energy are now changing and raising. In a few minutes, this energy will no longer be able to affect you as it has in the past.

K: (Speaking to the energy), I know a place where you can go, a place where you can evolve and be more than you can ever be with Marlisa or any other being on this planet. Marlisa is here today, changing and raising her vibration. She is here today to take back her space, take back her energy and take back her body. It is no longer appropriate for you to be here with Marlisa. Looking up with your spiritual eyes. There is a light shining down on you. What color is it?

M: Gold-ish white.

K: In the gold-ish white light, I now call upon the guides and the angels to step out of the light. Who comes out to be here now?

M: An angel.

Next I brought in Marlisa's psychic surgeons, guides and angels to be with her. Four came down, and as they did I told Marlisa they would not take her energy or interfere in her karmic path. They were working under her direction and she could send them back into the light at any time. I do this so the client retains complete control over any energies that have come in to assist.

Next I release the black energy around Marlisa by setting up double pyramids of Clear Light from Source. Once the double pyramids are energetically in place, I release the energy around Marlisa and all those the energy is affecting with the following words: "In this moment, as this energy now transcends back home to God, clear specks of light from Source go out and touch every man, woman, child, plant, animal, land, air, water, everywhere this energy has come in from, bringing it all back into choice and balance. This energy is now being released from all of Marlisa's possessions, home and work. Clear light is now filling these places that are near and dear to her and to her soul."

K: (Speaking to Marlisa) I am now going to complete this release by lifting this energy off of you. On the count of three it will lift off, just like a veil or a cap. My hand on your head weighs about five or ten pounds. Now, as I press down, can you imagine what a ton of psychic weight has felt like on your body? See how that might have affected your body. I now ask the angels to gather this energy. We are going to send it all back to God with love. I then released the energy from Marlisa.

K: Now, I would like to speak to the energy inside of you Marlisa. Is it male or female?

M: Male.

K: How have you been affecting Marlisa?

M: I have been confusing her.

K: How long have you been with Marlisa?

M: Forever.

K: Do you like Marlisa?

M: Yes.

K: Do you love Marlisa?

M: Yes.

K: Do you want to keep Marlisa for yourself?

M: Yes.

K: Do you interfere with her friendships or relationships?

M: Yes.

K: Are you a piece of Marlisa from the past?

M: Yes.

K: How many pieces of Marlisa's past are here now?

M: Thirty-five.

K: Marlisa, how are these pieces of your past affecting you today?

M: They keep me confused, separated and unsure of myself.

K: We are now going to send all of these pieces of Marlisa back home to God to where they can find peace and balance.

K: I now ask for the guides and angels to come down to hold this male part of Marlisa, and for more guides and angels to come and hold all the other pieces of Marlisa here. I now ask these pieces to take all of their feelings of confusion, separation and uncertainty with them as they go into the light. K: (Since almost every client has parts of their parents, siblings, partners, husband or wife and children with them, I began to question Marlisa about her family). Marlisa, I would now like to speak to your mother. How much of her is here with you, from one to a hundred?

M: Forty percent.

K: How much of you, Marlisa, is with your mother?

M: Eighty percent.

K: I would now like to speak to your father. How much of him is here?

M: Fifty percent.

K: How much of you is with him from one to a hundred?

M: Twenty percent.

(I continue through the list Marlisa gave me about her family, friends and significant others. Next I address those close to her who have died.)

K: Marlisa, you can see why it hasn't been safe for you to be inside your body. I believe there has been more of you outside watching yourself, than inside of you. How old were you, in this lifetime when part of you said "I don't want to be here anymore"?

Four

K: What we need to do now is to set everyone free from the way they have been holding on to each other so our relationships can come back around in a more creative and loving way. The only thing we can all agree on is that we no longer want to do it the same way we have done it in the past. Is this true?

(Next I release all the pieces of any other souls or fragments with Marlisa, including family members, loved ones and friends. I ask each soul or spirit to be accompanied by its own guide or angel as they all go into the light to insure no one gets lost or left behind. I then move to the Energetic Nervous System Balance by placing my hands under Marlisa's spine).

K: Now release into my hands all thoughts, feelings and emotions keeping you out of the moment. Every thought or feeling you have ever had of guilt, anger, hate, abandonment, betrayal or separation. Every thought or feeling of helplessness, hopelessness, of being used or trapped. Feelings of grief, sorrow or sadness. Feelings of not being good enough, of feeling different, not being smart enough, not being pretty enough, of being stupid, of being a failure, of not belonging, of not being able to speak out, of not fitting in. Old feelings, tired feelings, painful feelings, hurtful feelings, frustrated feelings, chaotic feelings, and all the old distorted energy. Send all of these thoughts, feelings and emotions out of your lungs, your heart and your chest. Push them all out of your stomach, your intestines, your kidneys, your liver, your bladder, your female organs and any other organ inside of you. Send all of these thoughts, feelings and emotions out of your head, your eyes, your ears, your nose, your sinuses, your mouth, your teeth, your gums, your jaw, your throat and neck, your muscles, ligaments and joints. Push all thoughts, feelings and emotions out of your nervous system and immune system. Out of each and every cell and all levels of your being, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Feel one hundred trillion cells release old thoughts, feelings and emotions into my hand. Now we are going to use sound and tone to change your vibration, frequency and overtone to a higher octave. This toning will allow these energies to move easily. It will also help you to release these energetics if you ever encounter them again

(I begin toning out loud, using a specific range of tones to release all the patterns and vibrations that no longer serve Marlisa and do not reflect who she really is.)

Next I move to the Energetic Pattern Release™. Using a particular method, I connect Marlisa with her Higher Self so she can clearly access the information she needs).

K: The strongest energetic pattern is around your neck. Go back in time, where something is happening, to your neck, your throat or this area. Going right to that place, is it daytime or nighttime?

M: Night time.

K: Are you male or female?

M: Male.

K: How old are you?

M: Seven or eight.

K: Are you indoors or outdoors?

M: Indoors.

K: What is happening to you?

M: I'm hiding in a castle. There are men searching for me, big, scary men. Somehow they're in charge of me or responsible for managing me. They used to like me, but now they hate me. I'm very clever and they do not seem to like that.

K: How do you feel?

M: I am starving and hurt. I think these men have hurt me and if they catch me they will hurt me again. I almost get away when I fall. Now they see me. They are really angry, grabbing me and hitting me. They are yelling awful things at me. I am not even sure what I did wrong, but they are really mad. They are yelling, "You will never be king." They are going to hang me because they now put a rope around my neck. They are going to push me off the table like I killed myself.

K: Is this going to kill you?

M: Yes.

K: Go ahead and die now. Look back at your body. What does it look like or feel like now that you are a ghost?

M: Real little, like I am broken. I look very powerless.

K: How do you feel about the people who just killed you?

M: I am confused. I still don't know what I did wrong, yet it must have been really bad because they were mad enough to hurt me. They seem like important men and do not seem worried I am dead.

K: What were the last feelings you had just before you died?

M: What did I do wrong? I must have deserved it. I am bad. I don't want to be here.

K: How much of that part is still inside of you today?

M: Eighty-seven per cent.

K: How is that part of you affecting you today?

M: It makes me feel wrong, worthless and confused.

K: We are going to help that part of you go home to God so it can find love and balance. I want that part of you to look up with its spiritual eyes. I ask for a guide or angel to hold that part of you and all those feelings, of being hurt, wrong, worthless or bad, confused and of not wanting to be here. K: How heavy has all of this been on you?

M: Three hundred pounds. K: I now ask the guides and angels to take this part and all these feelings still affecting you back home to God. (I then release that part of Marlisa back to God).

K: I want you to go back to just before you died, before those people killed you when a part of you said, "I don't want to be here any longer." Breathe in through your nose, blow out through your mouth. Feel yourself going back to God.

(Using a specific technique, I connect Marlisa with the essence of herself that is already back with God).

K: Breathing in through your nose, blow out old thoughts, old feelings and old emotions from your body. Internal INscension is now what you are feeling in your body, with every cell of your body now connecting to God. How does that feel to you?

M: I feel calm and peaceful. I feel as if I finally belong.

K: As you are now in that state, I am going to release those patterns placed on you in the past, all feelings of being held down, held back, feelings of being trapped or confined.

(Next I release all the energetic patterns around Marlisa's wrists and ankles holding her back and keeping her from grounding properly. Because Marlisa had been hanged, I then release all of the energetic patterns from the rope around her neck, as well as the trauma of being suddenly jerked, choked and then suffocated. It is important to reconnect Marlisa's head energetically with the rest of her body. I use the Spinal Cord Balance and Release to do this. Because our bodies are made up of about 80% fluid, it's important to clear and balance all the fluids in Marlisa's system. Placing my hands in a specific position on Marlisa's skull, I continue).

K: Release any distorted thoughts, feelings and emotions you are holding on to, in your spine, the fluid in your spine, the fluid in your brain and your mind. Release all the old energy you are holding in your nervous system and immune system. Release all the energy you are holding in your body. Your body is made up of over 80% liquid. Release any old thoughts, feelings and emotions right out of that fluid. This fluid was originally given to you when you were in your mother's womb.

Release the energetics passed on to you through the fluids provided by your mother, her mother and her mother¹s mother, going back all the way through your lineage into infinite time. Can you imagine all the feelings the feminine has had and felt through history? Think about all the hurt, the pain, the sadness, the betrayal and the cruelty. All these different feelings, release them now into my hands. Also release any energetics you may have picked up from your father¹s genetic line. Now release any children you have.

I am now going to push in energy, pure energy from your Higher Selves. Absorb it now and turn on all of your mind. Turn on over 17 billion neurons and pathways, illuminate your entire mind. Activate all of your abilities, your psychic, clairvoyance and spiritual abilities, all of your senses and your talents, at a rate and pace workable for you.

Now I am going to energetically enhance your skull. I believe at sometime in your past or in your future, when you used all of your mind, the shape of your skull went more to the back. I am going to make that energetic adjustment now. It is similar to the head shape shown in classic Egyptian art. No one will be able to see it. This energetic adjustment will make it easier for you to use all of your mind mentally, physically, emotionally,and spiritually. (I then energetically adjust her skull, allowing more room for her to be present and use all parts of her mind.)

I believe the most important part of any past life work is to access what the person was learning in that life. Whenever an energetic pattern is found on a person today, even if the trauma occurred in another place or time, it corresponds to a part of the same lesson the person did not fully understand mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually. To access the Big Picture or the overall plan of a person¹s life, it is vital for each person to reach a full understanding of what he or she is creating now.

(Once I connect Marlisa to the place where she could receive and understand that information, I continue with her session).

K: Go back to that lifetime, watching it as if it were a movie. Go back to when they were killing you. How does that feel?

M: Bad.

K: Is anyone watching you?

M: Just the other angry men.

K: Those people who are watching you, have they been people who you have helped in the past?

M: Yes.

K: Did anyone betray you?

M: Yes. The person I trusted the most.

K: Go back before they were killing you, how did it feel to be an innocent child, doing your best to understand while doing what you believed in?

M: At first it was good. Then I started to get in trouble for being too smart, or for doing things they did not ask me to do.

K: Did they ever tell you or warn you to stop doing this?

M: Yes.

K: Why didn't you stop?

M: I did not know another way to be.

K: Go all the way back to when you were a child, when you were a baby, when you were in the womb and then all the way back to when you were with God. What did you come in to this lifetime to learn?

M: Love.

K: And what was your experience?

M: At first it was OK. I was young, strong, eager to please and quick to do what they wanted. I loved to help and do things right.

K: Then what happened?

M: Everyone started to get mad at me. The other boys did not like me because I did too much. Some of the men did not like me because I was quick and could figure things out faster than they could. Then things got out of hand. I was hurt, abused, starved, beaten, ridiculed and betrayed. I feared everyone and everything, while at the same time feeling confused. I had no friends or anyone I could trust. I felt grief, sadness, anger, loss, a sense of powerlessness, profound helplessness and despair. I did not want to live any longer.

K: Has there been a part of you, Marlisa, creating these same feelings today to test yourself on loving and believing in yourself and your own value and worth?

M: Yes.

K: Is there any program inside of you that says, "If I hurt myself first, no one else can hurt me?"

M: Yes.

K: How much energy are you subconsciously using to keep yourself out of love?

M: Ninety percent.

K: Is there a part of you that believes if you were to be very clever or smart, totally open or totally vulnerable, that this could kill you?

M: Yes.

K: By not loving yourself, what does it do to your connection to God?

M: It stops me from being who I am. It stops me from being happy.

K: Has this separation caused these same feelings to be created to some degree today?

M: Yes.

K: These men who killed you in that lifetime, see names and faces. Who are they in your life today?

M: Oh my God! They are my dad, my brother and my boss.

K: Now we are going to see the truth. The truth is you can be smart, loving and powerful all at the same time. Your life can be gentle, playful, creative and peaceful, or anything else you want it to be. You now have many choices. We are going to break this karma with these people and these feelings because you have seen the truth and the truth sets you free, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. We are now going to break those old thoughts, old feelings and old emotions. (I broke Marlisa's karma and her old patterns and I released the remaining distorted programs. Next I moved into the session closure). Marlisa, how much of you is still missing today or has not been safe to be in your body?

M: Ninety percent.

K: Marlisa, look up with your spiritual eyes. I call for that aspect of you that has been with God to come here now. What does that aspect of you feel or look like?

M: Happy, playful, powerful, smart and clever.

K: What would happen to you if you were to bring that part of you back into your physical reality? How would your life change?

M: I could trust myself. I would be doing what I really wanted to do. I would know I was better than good enough and that it was safe for me to love and be loved.

K: Before we bring that part of you in, I am going to clear your chakras and your meridian points.

(First I release all the thoughts and emotions Marlisa had never been able to express. As I proceed down her chakra midline, I saw many pictures of past experiences and traumas that had happened to her).

K: Marlisa, how many times have you been killed in the past for speaking the truth?

M: Nine.

K: How many times in the past have you been killed for helping others?

M: Twelve.

(I then release all of Marlisa's distorted energetics about speaking or being heard, as well as any confusion about what might happen if she were to help others. Next I had Marlisa release all the people who would have liked her to act or behave differently than she did, as well as anyone who had ever wanted to control her in any way. Next I have Marlisa release all her energetics or distortions around issues of power and control).

K: Now be who you are. Not what society, your mother, or your father, or religion, or men or women have ever told you to be. Just think over and over again in your mind: I am a female and I have the power of the feminine. With that power, find your own unique balance between your male and female energy inside of yourself.

(Next I have Marlisa push out all the old thoughts, feelings and emotions projected onto her, through her or her onto anyone else. I release any distortions she has been holding that keep her out of the moment and away from her full creative potential. Once Marlisa is clear of all distorting programs and energetics, I reconnect her with the portion of her that was with God, as well as the part of her unsafe to be present in her body. I then proceed to assist with bringing in Marlisa's Higher Self to every level of her being).

K: Feel that energy go into every cell of your body. Now I want to ask your Higher Selves, what does Marlisa need to do to continue on her healing path?

M: Play more and be herself.

K: What would happen if Marlisa were to love herself one percent more than she has ever loved herself in the past?

M: Her whole life would change. She would have everything she ever wanted. She would be happy.

K: Has this session already begun that process?

M: Yes.

Summary

Marlisa's session is now complete and I suggest she spend just a few moments, while she is fully connected to her Higher Self, to ask herself any questions she may still have.

One of the main focuses of Heart & Soul Healing™ (HSH) is to create oneness, a place where there is no "sub" conscious, only consciousness and awareness. We believe consciousness returns consciously and can be integrated with awareness into a client's understanding. In Marlisa's session, as soon as she was consciously connected to her Higher Self, she was able to access her Big Picture and make sense of what she had been creating in her life.

One important factor to my client's ability to access satisfactory "life question" answers about her reality is what we commonly think of as "reality" is actually only a tiny fraction of it. The answers and Big Picture awareness lie in the parts few have been taught to tap into. Most of us have become used to perceiving only what flows through our five senses and accepting these sensory perceptions as our only usable reality. At this time on Earth, we are now experiencing an expansion of our learning process because we are becoming aware we are multidimensional beings.

Every aspect of our lives, consciously remembered or otherwise, has purpose and meaning. This even includes the worst experiences we could imagine, experiences so profoundly negative that we might purposefully lock them away from our conscious awareness. The meaning of every one of these experiences is unique to each of us, depending on what it was we were trying to learn at that particular moment in time.

Injuries and illnesses are only two of many ways our soul communicates with our physical self. They may only be physical manifestations of deeper, underlying distorted belief patterns. While we may not consciously remember everything that has ever happened to us, it is still recorded in our subconscious.

What exactly is our subconscious? For the purposes of this book, our subconscious is defined as that which is outside of our conscious awareness. It may be useful to think of our subconscious as a kind of permanent structure like a bank vault, where we keep all of our darkest secrets and our greatest treasures. HSH uses our subconscious the same way you might make use of a librarian. HSH is designed to find exactly the right past event or experience we need to understand in order to make sense of our life. This even includes negative experiences we might prefer to forget. This also includes experiences that may not be completely understood, or that we have formed erroneous opinions or judgements about. Understanding a series of similar experiences, frees us from the need to keep recreating additional variations and allows us to be more present and to live more fully in the moment.

If everything that has ever happened to us is so important, then why don't we just remember everything? Knowing everything at once, would most likely be overwhelming and overloading to our being, if there was no useful information to be had. The value of such information is only meaningful when our recollections provide specific clues to why certain challenges and patterns exist in our lives now.

Dimensions of the hidden sides of ourselves are accessed through HSH work for the purposes of healing past and future lives and other simultaneous realities. The theory I most closely align with at this time is that we inhabit all dimensions, places and spaces simultaneously. Any change we make in ourselves here, impacts all other aspects of our existence, much like every thought and action any one of us makes influences our collective consciousness.

In HSH, our conscious awareness is expanded to include every collective consciousness we have ever been part of, including when we are back with Source. By tapping into universal conscious awareness through a heightened state of clarity and understanding, our Higher Selves can specifically direct us to the experience providing the greatest use in our life today. In all instances of HSH work the client remains fully aware of his/her experiences. Nothing can happen without the cooperation of one's collective self, subconscious, unconscious, and our Higher Selves.

Some of the ways HSH accesses the hidden sides of ourselves is through Pattern Clearing, Energetic Clearing, Toning, Entity Release, Past Life Regression, Nervous System Balancing and Higher Self Integration. Clearing helps heal emotional traumas from our past that have not been understood and released. Energetic Clearing addresses unseen energies or thought forms outside of our awareness in this present time. Entity Clearing helps end the influence of other beings, living or dead, that may be tapping into our energetic fields.

Copyright © 1997

Addictions: Clara

Clara came for a session primarily because of her size. She was about sixty pounds overweight and had a life-long obsession with food which started in childhood.Every time her relatives celebrated a wedding, baptism, confirmation, birth, death, graduation, anniversary or birthday, mounds of food were brought to the house. For some reason all these parties happened at Clara's house once a week, for as long as Clara could remember. Food was the social medium for holidays, graduation, rainy days, picnics and holy days. It was also the reward for happiness and the consolation when someone felt sad.

Clara's father had been killed in WW II when she was about two months old. Her mother who never remarried, made Clara the center of her life. Clara had been raised in a big Italian home, full of aunts, cousins and grandmothers, all making sure their darling Clara received love, which was synonymous with food. Clara had been a thin child, and fattening her up had been the personal mission of at least four of her aunts.

Clara remembered being a very small child, eating to the admonitions of, "Remember those poor, starving children in Europe." Somehow Clara managed to stay fairly normal in her weight, although she wasn't considered "skinny." She grew up resisting food, yet associated it with every good or happy time she had ever experienced.
Even with all the loving and nurturing she received, Clara felt trapped. She was a private person, and the constant crowd of relatives seemed like an invasion. Clara felt if she were too open, she would not be able to defend herself or protect her space. She really loved college, mostly because her dorm room was quiet and private.

Clara married a science professor whom she met at college. Although he was twenty years her senior, they were well-suited. He loved to spend many hours each day in contemplative silence. They had two boys, now thirteen and sixteen, who were happy, but somewhat clingy. Clara had gained weight during her pregnancies and was unable to take it off. Her husband did not notice her extra weight, but Clara was horrified and ashamed by it. She was obsessed with the idea that if she could not lose the weight, she would have a heart attack and die. In addition to obesity, Clara said she had reoccurring anemia, which flared up every time she lost weight. She also had a life long condition of endometriosis.

In her session Clara accessed a life as a young woman living in Turkey. She was quite beautiful and happy until her parents arranged her marriage to a wealthy landowner, living in a different part of the country. Her family had suffered some financial setbacks, and her timely marriage would enable her parents, sisters and brothers to live fairly well for a long time.

While she had at first been intrigued by her husband, she soon felt otherwise. He persisted in speaking his local dialect, which Clara did not understand. Older and very powerful, he had little time to deal with a young girl's emotions. Clara bore him two children, both girls, which seemed to displease him. Early in their marriage she discovered he took a wide variety of lovers, both male and female, and she began to cringe every time he would come near her. Clara developed complications with her second baby, and much to her relief, her husband no longer was intimate with her.

Her husband kept her fairly isolated and would not let her talk to the servants. He brought her out as an adornment for all of his parties and business functions, yet Clara would simply sit there and smile, not really knowing what to say. Her one joy was her two girls.

Young girls did not go to school in those days. However, Clara's husband was wealthy and it was considered proper to hire a tutor to teach children certain basics. The tutor whom her husband hired was not only brilliant, he was handsome. As the tutor taught the girls, he also instructed Clara. Little by little, he and Clara fell in love. The two of them fought their feelings, going to great trouble "not to notice" each other or speak much together. By custom, they knew they would never be allowed to be together legally, unless Clara's husband died.

One impetuous afternoon when the house was strangely vacant, the two of them became intimate. It was the happiest time either of them had ever known. After that, because of the danger to both of them, they vowed never again to make love. Nevertheless, they knew in their hearts they had energetically vowed to be together. As the weeks passed, the two of them spent much time together, in happy and heart-connected silence, as the tutor continued to instruct the girls.

As fate would have it, Clara became pregnant from the one special time she spent with her beloved teacher. She had not been intimate with her husband for more than a year, and she was in a very dangerous situation. At first, to cover her expanding waist, Clara took to eating large quantities of food in public and then throwing it up as soon as she reached her private quarters. After about two months, she ate in earnest, both to conceal her condition and quiet her growing terror at the consequences of her choice.

The tutor was happy Clara was going to have their child. He had a plan for their safety in which she and the girls would live with his relatives, far to the South. No one would ever be able to trace them there, and they could be together forever. Just prior to their escape, Clara overheard a conversation between two of her servants. They were not aware she could now understand the local dialect, and they were a little careless in front of her. Clara's maid confessed to her own sister, who was the serving girl in the kitchen, she was going to come into a good deal of money at the the beginning of the next month.

Clara's husband had approached the maid, asking her to come forward with information implicating Clara and the tutor as lovers. The plot apparently had been a long time in the making. Clara's husband had hired the handsome tutor on purpose, so when the time came, his accusations would be believed. Clara's husband had fallen in love with another younger, prettier, richer woman, and he hoped to marry her and have her bear him sons. The local penalty for a wife's infidelity was death, and Clara's husband was eager to be rid of her. Her recent weight gain disgusted him, and he was eager to get the deed done.

Sharing what she had overheard with her beloved tutor, they made plans to escape immediately. The next night, under the cover of darkness, they left with the two girls for the South. Shortly after their departure, her husband discovered their absence and sent guards to all the major roads and ports to bring them back. This was even better than he had hoped, for now he was going to be able to catch her red-handed, fleeing with "her lover." The lovers, thinking they might be discovered had chosen the more difficult route through the desert. While they did manage to elude their pursuers, a vicious wind storm ensued and they became terribly lost. They survived less than five days in the desert and Clara was the last to die. She witnessed the horrible passing of her children and her beloved teacher. Not knowing what else to do, she stayed by their bodies just waiting to die. She thought she had survived the others because of her extra weight, and she cursed every mouthful she had ever eaten. At the same time, her own motherly instinct triggered, and she nurtured secret hopes she might somehow survive and bear their eagerly awaited child. Clara ate insects and whatever she could find, in an effort to stay alive. As she died, her last thought was "I will never be hungry again."

As Clara went back to the Soul-planning stage of that life she discovered she had incarnated to learn about beauty and physical love. She had experienced beauty, sacrifice, leaving her family and familiar surroundings, feelings of not belonging, disgust, isolation, love, belonging, terror, running for her life, the death of her loved ones, pain, sadness, a broken heart, hopelessness, anger, and then death. Clara was able to relate her feelings and experiences from that past life to her situation in her current life. She had the same love-hate relationship with food. Clara realized in that prior life her last ten pounds of extra weight was the only thing between her and her impending death and the death of the love child she was carrying.

No wonder Clara had been unable to lose those last ten pounds from her pregnancy in this lifetime. They seemed to stick to her no matter how much she exercised or dieted. Clara still carried within herself the thought that carrying those ten pounds was literally a matter of life and death-that to be thin meant the death of love. Clara's broken heart in that lifetime explained her current fear that her obesity would lead to a heart attack now. Her endometriosis was a result of her underlying desire to not be intimate. Her husband in this lifetime was her beloved from long ago. Her husband from her past life was a hateful cousin who constantly tormented her as they were growing up, saying cruel and ugly things about her at school in front of her friends. Her boys in this lifetime had been her daughters then, which helped to explain why they were so clingy today.

Clara now understood she could let food be food, without the life and death energetics and the loss of love she had previously associated with it. Clara now saw how she could have the healthy relationship with food she had always desired. She could allow her body to find its own place of balance, and she could love it and appreciate it while doing so. She also realized that becoming thin would not be dangerous to those she loved, especially her children.

Copyright © 1997

Our Holographic Lives: Carl

One of Ken's client's experienced his holographic self during a stressful event and it changed him forever. Carl had come to us, in Florida, in late summer of 1993. He was an extremely educated man, working as an aerospace engineer and designer. He was fairly left brained and analytical in his approach to the world and he seemed sort of surprised he had actually come to have a Heart & Soul Healing session. He had thought out his decision to come with much care. He confessed he primarily came because he had witnessed such dramatic changes in his wife. Earlier that same month, his wife had come with a long list of lingering physical and emotional problems left over from her childhood. She was able to understand and clear them very successfully and it had made a great difference in the peace and happiness of the family.

Carl was different. He had very few questions, no real health problems and little in the way of past emotional or mental trauma. The bottom line, he said, was that he knew he was 'supposed' to come and somehow it was going to be very important for him. Since we always ask clients about any past accidents or illness, Carl was prompted to tell us about the one unexplained incident in his life. He had been driving his Bronco into work, early one morning, on Highway I-95. An erratic move by another driver had caused him to jerk his steering wheel sharply, to avoid having an accident. His car had been traveling over 60 mph at the time and had reacted badly to the maneuver. The car's wheels locked, the car started to spin and ended up completely swerving off an embankment, rolling side over side until it came to rest at the bottom of a concrete gully. The car, although miraculously ending in an upright position, was severely smashed in on all sides. The front hood looked like an accordion, the roof had collapsed and the tailgate was cracked and split.

Carl had his seat belt on at the time and all the doors had been locked. Another motorist had witnessed the entire accident and had called the rescue squad from his car phone. The paramedics were on the scene within minutes. The fire department had also been called, to bring the "jaws of life" equipment, to help extract any of the 'victims' who might still be alive. The fire engines also had arrived within minutes. The car had been completely mangled and battered. All set for a grisly recovery, the paramedics and firemen cautiously proceeded down the embankment. They couldn't believe what they found. Carl was calmly sitting at the edge of the gully, just looking at his car. He was not hurt or marked in any way. The firemen found all of the doors still locked from the inside, the front seat jammed within inches of the steering column and Carl's seat belt still strapped into place! All of the car windows had cracked, but since they were made of top quality safety glass, they luckily had all remained intact. No one could figure out how Carl had managed to escape from his vehicle.

The stunned paramedics escorted Carl back up the embankment, where he refused medical treatment. On the way back to the hospital, the paramedics dropped Carl at his home, where he proceeded to shower and change and go into work! In relating this completely amazing incident, Carl said that other than a short wrangle with the insurance company, he hadn't given the accident much energy or focus. He had merely shrugged it off and resumed his normal round of activities. Relating the whole episode now, he admitted he was somewhat curious as to what had really happened that day.

In the last part of his session, Carl went back to the scene of his accident. He went to three minutes before the crash had actually occurred and this time he watched it from above, like he was seeing a movie. Seeing the accident in this way gave him a whole new prospective. Now Carl could see the entire sequence of events, almost in slow motion. He was stunned at what he discovered. Relating a minute by minute account, he reported, in a shaky and incredulous voice, that apparently two beings of pure light had come and physically removed him from his car. They had lifted him out of his tumbling vehicle, in midair, just as it was going over the embankment. He had not been in his car when it had made its final stop at the bottom of the gully. The two beings, which he now classified as angels, had taken him to sit by the embankment until help arrived. They had spoken to him softly, telling him many things. Carl was able to remember what they had told him, in great detail, and he began to cry quietly. Profoundly moved, he realized that most of the changes which had occurred in his life after the accident had occurred because of what had happened that day. His life, which he thought had been basically the same, was actually radically different. He had made an inner commitment to spend quality time with his family, he had become interested in helping out a nearby program for mentally and emotionally needy children, he had veered into a whole new field of expertise at work, with new information seemly at his fingertips, he had become more physically fit and active, he had started reading more esoteric literature and he had opened up to investigating and participating in processes such as the Heart & Soul Healing sessions and classes. His expanded awareness of how his life had changed from that one event went on and on, as Carl realized the actual changes within all realms of his life. These changes ranged from the quality of his dreams, to his interactions with everyone around him. Every area of his life had been touched and changed. In many ways, some part of the old Carl had died the day of the accident and a whole new aspect of his soul-spirit had been allowed in, to grow, flourish and expand.

The truth of the matter is we are all holographic beings, reflecting thousands and thousands of blended and integrated aspects. Part of the joy of doing this work is we get to witness, client after client, put together more and more pieces to the big picture of their life. Seemly ordinary and non-impactful events in each of our lives are actually full of hidden insights and understandings and can answer the questions of who we really are, and what we are doing here.

Clear Light Arts, ADL
Heart & Soul Healing™
Institute of Multidimensional Cellular Healing™
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