Understanding the Relationship of Self - BEing in the Moment - Loving Ourselves

by Nancy Nester

One of the most challenging areas to people is relationships. Relationships are great teachers. They reflect back to us our issues and who we really are.

Most of us have already realized we chose our family relationships based on the vibrations and energetics we needed to evolve. As babies, coming from Source, we have the ability to love wholly and completely. Our parents, each imprinted with their own upbringing, limitations and resulting issues, expressed their ability to love based on the patterns of their experiences. Our parents could only express to us the degree of love they had for themselves. As a result, many of us have only experienced about 20 - 30% of someone's love for us.

This being the case, we may have attracted relationships with people who had trouble loving themselves. Such a relationship offers tremendous opportunities for self growth. As we mature in our capacity for self love, we realize each of us can only love to the extent we love ourself. This understanding allows tremendous compassion for others and ourselves. As we move into more peace and balance with ourself, we no longer need the same outward validation of who we are, what we are thinking or how we should be.

So how do we truly begin to love ourselves more? By pulling our field in, being truly in our body and experiencing ourselves dimensionally, we can reawaken to the pure joy of the miracle of "Beingness." Have you ever meditated on the the simple idea you are alive and what a miracle and gift it is that you, as you, exist? By being fully present in our bodies we can rediscover the joy which I believe we all innately understood as children. Later, as adults, our critical mind begins to dominate our thoughts and creates judgements about our inadequacies, imperfections and failings. Compassion for others comes easily as we develop compassion for ourselves.

Loving and accepting ourself makes the biggest energetic difference in what we choose to allow into our life. For most of us, really loving and accepting ourself changes the structure of our interactions and relationships. By stepping into what we truly choose to be, what was stable with our present relationships may change because we cannot hold old patterns in place as they cease to be valid or appropriate to what is current in our lives. As we continue to evolve, everything not in alignment with who we are now will be difficult to hold onto or reflect in the same way.

There may be many reasons for this. Perhaps we had to give our relationship a lot of energy or behave in a very specific way, and now, because of the changes in ourselves which we have made there is no need for that. As the relationship continues, the other person may rebel because we are no longer giving them what we used to. Partners may even become fearful when they don't feel us in the same way, helping them to act out old patterns.

Closely examine things you may have done in the past, out of 'obligation,' 'guilt,' or because you were somehow 'responsible for others'. In truth we can never be truly responsible for another being. No matter what is happening around us we need to ask ourselves: Are the participants victims or are they creators? While we may not prefer to create similar dynamics as those around us, it is not up to us to 'fix it,' or 'learn it' for them.

By simply asking ourselves what we are getting energetically from a particular situation gives us valuable insights. Does it make us feel good? How? Does it make us feel wanted, valuable or needed? Does is get us attention, or make us feel liked? Does it drain our energy and make us feel tired, sad, guilty or angry? Most importantly, we need to keep in mind our spiritual choice of meeting our needs and desires, thereby fulfilling our own life path.

In the past, most of us have connected with others through our heart chakra. However, connecting through the heart usually involves also interacting with the sexual chakra. Rather than to continue acting out our old ways of connecting there is a new way to meet another person with all chakras, all levels. Doing so gets us out of all the different spins and spirals of relationships: power and control, survival, abandonment etc. In addition, getting into a balanced male-female state also allows those around to find balance as well. By being balanced, we can witness more of what is happening in the relationship, rather than being pulled into the spiral of old dynamics.

Balance is found by moving our focus to the center point of our pineal. Doing so allows us to perceive the other on all levels from our pineal point rather than our heart chakra. This change in our perception makes it easier to move from feeling based reactions in polarity into a proactive, state of choice.

We will still stay connected with the other person, yet come from a place of compassion. We become more of an observer or a witness creating a safe space for another instead of a participant, taking every action of the other person personally.

To maintain our balance while figuring out what is happening is very easy. We quiet our minds, pull our fields in and love ourself. We stay physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually in the moment. By remembering to play and be in our passion, we create from the magic and joy of being alive, like a child. Allow the flow of life to simply unfold and be.

It's the key to all there is.

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